So later that evening, we stayed up to watch Poltergeist II and Poltergeist III together and didn't wind up going to bed until 3:30 in the morning. The kids woke me up promptly at 8:30 in the morning because they wanted to get up, watch movies and eat breakfast. I managed to throw some clothes on, get to the bathroom in time, (hey, sometimes I just don't) and get downstairs. I feed my daughter, told my oldest that yes, he could watch a movie and yes, he could go across the street to grandma's to get himself a root beer and I poured myself a bowl of cereal and hadn't quite finished it yet when my mom called me to ask if I could take her to the emergency room.
She has rheumatoid arthritis. It has been controlled for the past 3 years using the meds and herbal supplements that she's been using. She started having seizures off and on last year and her doctor seemed to think it was because of a tachycardia problem in her heart. Basically, they say, her heart wasn't pumping the blood properly, thus causing low oxygen to her brain and causing her to pass out. The doctors don't seem to believe that my mom is really having seizures, although they've never actually seen one of her seizures before to honestly judge that. I've never seen them either so I guess I wasn't much help.
The docs put mom on heart medication and she was good for a few months until she had yet another seizure and had to go to the ER. Once in the ER, no one can ever seem to find anything wrong with her brain or in her brain that is a sign of a classic seizure so they don't think that it's happening. Well, since she continued to have the seizures, despite the heart medication that was supposed to stop it, they put her on an anti-seizure medication that appeared to flare up her arthritis. Her wrists and ankles seemed to be swollen to 3 or 4x they're original size and mom can't even walk now. Every joint in her body seems to be in excruciating pain and even though she stopped the medication that she believes caused the arthritis to flare up, the symptoms don't seem to be getting any better.
She's through with going to Anderson Hospital for this. Don't get me wrong, I love Anderson, it was a great place to have my two youngest children over there at the women's pavilion but I think for a lot of other issues, they are lacking. I guess every hospital has its strengths and it's weaknesses though, so this time she had me take her to Barnes. The people at Barnes were wonderful and polite and respectful and kind and I really, really like it there. I feel as though my mom is a little safer at this hospital than the last one. I spent my entire day with my mom trying to help her ease her pain by rubbing her back and putting hot rags on her wrists and helping her re-position herself about every 20 minutes. When all of your joints hurt at the same time, there is no where that you can get comfortable for very long. Once one joint stops aching another one decides to chime in and say HELLO, REMEMBER ME? I'M BACK!
I think we got into the ER at about 9:45 a.m. and I left there after my dad finally showed up at about 6:00 p.m. Then I had to travel back to Granite City, go to the grocery store and pick up a few things for dinner, go to my brother's house to get my son from his camping trip with them this weekend and then I got to go home, put groceries away and cook dinner. (GROAN) I was seriously thinking about going to the laundromat tonight after the kids fall asleep but maybe I'll wait until tomorrow? I'm so very tired. But I still need to run back to the grocery store because I'm out of Kleenex and toilet paper. (sigh) A mother's work is never done.
I usually don't get very upset about my mom and her medical problems. Truth be told, I try not to think about it. But a couple of times during my stay with her in the ER today, she was trying to find a comfortable position and would put her pillow on the bed railing and I just felt compelled to stand there on the other side and kind of hold her up. I was afraid she was going to fall over because she had been falling asleep at the drop of a hat. So I stood there with the pillow on my chest and her laying on the pillow and I just stroked her hair while she slept. I started thinking of Alex and how I missed the little freckle-faced guy this weekend and then I started thinking of a song that he learned in pre-school that he sang to me 2 years ago. "May there always be sunshine, may there always be blue skies, may there always be mommas, may there always be me." And as my mind got to the part where it said "May there always be Mommas," I started to tear up and just about lost it. A few quick breathes later and I finally regained my composure without waking mom up, I think.
I know that she's gonna die SOMEDAY but it's something I try not to think about too often because it depresses me. At that moment in the song, I just thought about all of the grudges that I hold against her. I think all kids have them. I know my mom's not perfect, no parent is, but there were some particularly hard times between us during my younger adult and teen years. I think we hold grudges against each other really. But at that moment, I was seriously thinking of just casting them all away and began remembering some of the good times that she and I had when I was little just like Alex. I think that a part of every adult misses being a child. There are some rare cases but I think that we mostly do miss it. Back then, my mother was my entire world and I never wanted to leave her side. Now that I've got kids of my own, I sometimes forget that feeling and want to push my kids away. I came home and pushed them away again but it's not because I didn't want to spend time with them, I just had a lot to do and a limited amount of time to do it in.
After dinner was bath time and then bed time and all of that seemed to take another hour and a half. My hubby went to bed about a half an hour later than he usually does but he really missed me. Everyone missed me today. :-( When I got home, Phillip told me stories of what had happened that day. He said that my oldest boy, who is autistic, and my youngest boy got into a fight because the youngest one was telling the oldest one that grandma had gone to the hospital to die. My oldest son yelled in that panicky voice of his that "NO SHE'S NOT, SHE'S NOT GONNA DIE!!!" Finally Phillip separated them and told the younger one to go watch a movie and the older one to go play on the trampoline. Phillip said that he sat on the trampoline and rocked back and forth all day long, trying to comfort himself because he really was afraid that his grandma was going to die. :-( Phillip said that my youngest one did nothing but watched movies all day long. Sometimes he's into doing that if there's something that he REALLY wants to see, but my husband says that my son didn't get up at all. He sat through almost every single movie that he asked to watch today. Very strange of him. Phillip said he himself was pretty depressed most of the day and didn't have the energy to do much although he managed to keep the kitchen clean. Poor dear. It's been a depressing day for all of us. I hope things are better tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment